I understand coaches now. Cus I suck at pool. Like i know what i want to do... and i can even give advice to skilled players, but when it comes to me playing pool i rarely do what i want. Even when i halfway try. Dah well... I think i just like the action rather than the set up. Hmmm, maybe i just don't have the patience for pool. But I can play golf.

I gave one of my impromptu performances tonight. John Mayer - St. Patrick's Day. I sang that... for people. 'Twas fun. I realize that i really like performing. See this guy i know, Brad, was on stage at Hotung (a place on campus) waiting for another man who was to play with him to arrive. In the meantime, he was running through a few numbers. A friend, TJ, and I were having a convo with him while we all waited. Later, he sang "No Such Thing", and said he was going to play St. Patrick's Day next. Only he said he didn't know all the words. Another guy, John, got on stage and started playing it too. Brad knew i sang from a previous convo, so when i said, "Well i can sing it if you want..." he was like "Great, c'mon up!" It was fun. I also realized i didn't know all the words to the song, but John fed them to me. And everyone was just enjoying the moment, so noone really cared. I could have done it better though, but it was not that crucial, more so just fun.

Reality TV must DIE!!! I am so tired of it!!! If they just gathered a whole bunch of clips of actual real people living their real lives that would be more interesting. But nooo, this whole half-scripted people in prepared situations is just not doing it for me. Sure they're getting ratings, but that is because there is nothing else on. I tried to watch TV tonight and it was just... Bachelorette, Star Search, some junk, and American Idol. Oh wait, CBS had 60minutes II; at least that was interesting. At least the whole game show era is over, but i'd almost prefer that to Joe Millionaire, Fear Factor, Real World, and Survivor (whereever the heck they are now). Grrrrr, TV stop being lazy, just go ahead and script stuff. Or heck, give Dave Chappelle a network show. Heck, there are a number of people who should be working on TV, but nooooo we got "Reality TV". Argh!!! Don't make me read... i'll do it!! Internet, I love you. TV...you gets turned off!!

Alright, so I went to the gym a couple of days ago, cus my girlfriend goes like 5 times a week. And i feel guilty cus i just....don't. SO i went with her once. No this makes for my first (well technically second), but first serious gym appearance in...................what year is this?! Anyway, so i started doing some chest excercises cus i'm trying to bulk up a little. Just as i finished a set on a weight higher than i should be working with, a friend of mine.... Junior comes over and is like "Hey, you should do this and this and this." Now... Junior is like 6'4" over 200 pounds, and his bicep could crush me. (This he doesn't know.) So I start doing what he was instructing me to do, cus he knows more than I know, and he's brolick. So it got to the point where i couldn't finish the reps, or even finish a rep on the small weights. He was like, that's good, you gone feel it. OH.... I felt it. I couldn't straighten my arms out for the next two days. And my right bicep is abnormally large and in a unpleasant soreness. My girl looks at it and is like... "Hmph.. I think its swollen!" That's right y'all, i'm swole now.

I feel like a black Popeye.
Peace Peace.

Ex-boyfriends suck. If i was an ex-boyfriend i'd move on. I think that is the duty of ex-boyfriends. Males, you are genetically designed to spread your seed. Once you have in some form or fashion become the male out of favor (with the woman) find a new woman. A good woman will make you forget all about your ex-women. My woman now asks me about my ex-women. I think i make her upset cus i don't care about them, so she has nothing to get upset about, so she pretends to be upset at me regardless of the fact that i don't give a f-----ck what their doing cus i have her. (Yes a run-on sentence.)
In other arenas, my roommate has someone special. His happiness makes me happy. As well, I might get a single. I'M GONE HAVE A SINGLE. I'M GONE HAVE A SINGLE. Ladies and gentlemen i don't think you all realize the beauty of singles. Knowing that you are free to do whatever things you don't do in public, cus you are the only one in your 500+ cubic feet of space. I like this dream.
You know its amazing slowly watching the things around where you live slip away. I've been spending alot less time where i live, so now i come back and i'm noticing that it takes longer to update myself on that which is going on. I mean, my roommate and his girl. My neighbor and her man. One of my plants died. Losing my keys today wasn't a big deal. OK, well i would rush off and shower but i don't think there will be any rush, cus my woman's ex-boyfriend is dropping in for a visit. Grrrr.
A less trusting man would be suspicious, but not I... .... .... nope, not I.

Peace. Long live the ATF.

Well ladies and gents, tomorrow i return to Medford ( haha, Medf-ah-d). You know, i am perfectly fitting into this break. Tomorrow i will actually feel like being at school again. Whereas, before i couldn't wait to get back, or I wouldn't want to be back yet. However I am actually a near-perfect fit this time. I look forward to my classes; trying to be organized; seeing everyone; and getting into the grind. I am definitely going to try to get my housing situation right. I am going to definitely work first, play directly after. I just can't wait to do so.... in fact, i'm even going to go to sleep early. That's right... early.
One sidenote: D_mn the radio. If i hear one more JLo or B2K or Wayne Wonder with the Macerena clapping I'ma bust something. I think i have reached a point that i am so tired of junk, that i'd rather sit in silence. Its going so far that i rather sing along to the song doing it differently each time, just cus i can... the radio is like a coarse nail pushed slowly past my tear duct being lubricated as i cry in pain.

Hello all you folk out there in Blogging land... OK... i'm still in RI. I know... i'm saying. College breaks, you gotta love 'em. Also what you gotta love, girlfriends. Can't live with 'em, or without 'em. However, what i can't figure out is... why can noone drive. What's wrong... it seems like every person that i get in the car with has problems with automobiles. I like living. I happen to be fond of my life. But for some reason nearly every person (except for one) has scared me. Remember how Jennifer drove? Its about that bad. (For those not up to speed... everytime we rode with Jennifer we had a near-death experience.) There is a unique balance to driving. Some people are two fearful. Others are too stupid... kidding, too confident. You have to be comfortable people, but still realize that you just might die. :-) It's true. And i know this because I'm Mr. Perfect....so I'm the best driver in the whole world.
The only person I like riding with is my girlfriend. She can drive... no lie. Yep, she's the only one, oh and her brother is decent too. In fact, I'm going to go out on a limb and say the whole family makes sense. Other than that, RI is alright. All of up north needs some southern hospitality, then folks would be happy.

Hmph.... not the happiest right now. I just found out that my "girlfriend" (i only use quotations cus i'm in a situation that i'm not sure many guys would put up with, but nevermind that for now she) cheated on me. At least it was an ex-boyfriend so that makes it a little better. Still though, i think i saw this coming. Well, actually, the normal me would have been suspicious but i really felt for this woman, so I let all guard down. Maybe its like a balance of the universe that it has happened to me. Even I cheated once (well i kissed someone while I was technically dating someone else, but that's no excuse) yet that is another matter. I mean had to happen sooner or later right. I mean given the situation i'm in i'd rather it happen like this than later in life as her and some random dude. Still though... it hurts... all kinds of things are going through my mind. I really just need her to be fully honest about how the whole thing that happened, what all happened, and what all she is feeling. I think that's the only way to lay a new foundation or repair the exisisting trust that was there. Hmph... dang shame. I really really really like her. More than like. :-(
Later y'all.


[A few minutes later...]
You know, as i think back, i've never had a relationship last more than 3 months. Now i am with this woman with whom i hope to have a long relationship, but this infidelity is like a slap in the face. I'm trying to be a good man here, or at least not do any of the things society constantly shows that women don't like. As well, I seem to be doing something right in attracting them. While in the relationship, i'm told i'm great. Yet i watch these other dudes and i'm thinking how can she put up with him, or something to that effect, yet they stay together and stay together. I dunno. It kinda scares me, am i doomed to constant brief relationships. I don't want to be a gigolo, what kind of existence is that. I mean you would think that would be great, but still how am i supposed to handle marriage or something if my girlfriends leave me or cheat on me for reasons that 'aren't my fault.' The whole thing is like a slap in the face.
K, i think i'm done...but you never know.

[An Hour later...]
No... i'm not done. I've been talking to Alma, the last girlfriend loved. On a side note, someone else in my situation would cheat on her in revenge. But no, that's not my style. In this sense i'm like a woman, i'd rather take note of it, and keep it tucked away so that no matter what I do it will never be as bad as her cheating on me. Women, don't lie, y'all do that. Besides me cheating wouldn't help anything. Plus as randy as i am right now, i don't want to stoop to that level. I won't forget though. No no, it won't be that. Anyway, yeah...Alma found all these picture from her formals and formals shes escorted. Which led to talking about these guys, and then about me. But she got all blushing and shy and tried to change the subject, but supposedly she'll tell me what happened to that relationship, cus to this day when people ask me, i still don't have an answer. Which always made me wonder if i was told the truth. Which is a pet peeve, i'm saying... at least respect me enough to be brutally honest with me. Yet nay...

[Finishing up...]
So... I found out that things fell apart with Alma, because once we got together the whole "honeymoon" period of the relationship was over. And as we were setting up to get into that coasting portion where the couple just eases into living together day after day, things just stopped feeling the same for her. I don't know what happens when u fall out of love with someone, but somewhere along that's what happened. Yeah, I was in such shock at the time i didn't really realize what was happening, so i was overly optimistic. Like it hit a few weeks later. Like...hard. As well, my girlfriend and I patched things up. I think everything will be ok, just a lil test... but i am refuse to let this have me throw away something wonderful. I wonder how i will see this years from now?

Doo be doo be doo...

I dunno, what's up people. I don't know why i'm still up, but i am at that point where if I lay down, i will just be sitting there thinking. Sure I could read... but... well i'm going to say that i don't know where my books are. More so, i don't really want anyone's thoughts right now except for my own. I graded papers today with Alma's mother. It's pretty cool being on the otherside of the educational system. I find it easy to be ruthless in grading. Stick to the key, and mark them wrong. I feel bad when students get them wrong though. As a student i feel a compassion for them; a sympathy. I only hope my graders feel the same for me in the future. As well, i feel i need to get on the ball. Whatever ball that is... the focus ball. Ayyyy, me sleepy. Ciao.

Alright now, i'm running the mean streets of Warwick, RI. I am happily chillin' at Alma's house. Its like my second family. Reudi (the eldest of Alma's younger sisters) and I have fun...we think alike often so we will bust out laughing at the same things. I helping them move, i've realized i like being helpful. Today though i was scared. (I'm writing like a 12yr old english student.) We were returning from picking Alma's mother up, I'd say we were going like 5MPH down this hill, but then the car started sliding and we were basically going to run into this bus. Not a happy brendth right there, i'm man enough to admit that i was scurd. However MommaLynne decided to ease the car into the curb rather than hitting the bus; i'd say that was the wise choice. Final thought on that matter, I don't like driving in snow.
In other news, i don't know what's up with me and cats lately but they (Alma and 'nem) have like 3 cats in their home, none declawed, and one of them seems to of them seems to like messing with me. I might explain later.
Lastly, errthing is going well with my love. That woman is so cool, i love being with her. Cruisin' all over RI. Although I can't wait to be back at Tufts. WAIT WAIT Whoa... yes i can... TUFTS must wait. Until Jan 10th I refuse to think about anything educational...I won't even read the TV guide. Although Alma had me read this sex story last night written from a woman's perspective, and its funny how similar it is to the male ones. Only difference is all the male stories are like hit and run kinda things, where in this one the couple making love gets married and lives happily ever after. Oh, and alot more detail is placed into whose wearing what!
That's all I have to say about that. Yep.
Peace Forest Peace.

This house is so scary. Like its so in the boondocks that at night its pitch black. What's worse is that they people i'm staying with seem not to believe in window shades and privacy so if someone was looking in at me i wouldn't even know. I mean shoot i could be sniped. Window shades!!! Why can't i put down the window shades?!! It's ok though, this is my last night here. "I leave tomorrow." While on this tone... so tonight we were driving through the woods and they pointed to this house. Spooky looking place. They tell me about it... turns out it was abandoned like 8 years ago, some man just up and left. And they went there for Halloween, now im like why would you do that. That's a man's home. That's how white folks get killed. Snooping around.... you don't see black folks doing that. Hard enough for us just trying to survive as it is. Last thing we need to do is go "investigating".

[To be edited]

So i was riding back to Dave's and thinking about how i am going to be introduced to all these great hip-hop bands by white folk. Or how when he gets upset at the interludes in Black Star even though they are paying hommage to these great proponents of the culture. The very culture that they are into. Its kinda like the scene in Erykah Badu's Love of My Life video, when she (the personification of hip-hop) is signed to a record deal, commercialized, and put on concert; where she looks out into an audience devoid of any Black folk. (Although there is that the dude that pops in the front and kinda looks like Charles.) Anyway, its slightly annoying. As I thought on, i somehow tied it to how some of us Black folk are constantly talking about "The Man". I know i often feel like its my people against "The Man". However I can't think of any other race of people that is still working for their one time opressors. Think about that. We were only free'd cus it was no longer economically beneficial to keep us. Then we had to go right back to work for the same folks who enslaved us just to survive. Ain't that some sh_t. I mean shoot, we weren't even thought of as equal (by law, meaning we aren't actually seen as equal, but in terms of the law we supposedly are... "supposedly" is used because they never took out the part that defined us as three/fifths of a human its just not excercised). And today, the decendants of those slaves, who risked their lives running to the north for freedom, go to work/slave for the decendants of the same people we ran from. --Still listening to "Blackalicious" at Dave's house. I guess that's how it has to work. White folks actually buy the rap/hip-hop albums, while we bootleg copies of the music; music whiich is often directed towards us. And the Nappy roots come to Tufts and stare out into a crowd of white folk sprinkled with like 40 blacks and latinos just like Erykah did in the video. And tomorrow i'm going to be listening to more albums that i've wanted to buy by artists that i want to support, even though they're lyrics are saying what i just said. Ain't that messed up. Maybe one day my people will be able to afford my creations. So I pray. In the meantime, I pray you peace.

Hey i just wanted to write a quick new year blog. Dick Clark is on TV going Crazy.... op 10 ... 9... 8..... etc

[Minutes Later]
K, i'm back. Hmph no explosion. That's good. I actually don't know what to say to y'all. Yep...life is good. Basicallly nothing bad is happening, and i don't have any thoughts. Although i've suddenly been wondering what if this is the afterlife? (Provided that there is one.) All this was brought on by that new Tupac video. Don't ask me how Tupac is still releasing albums. Biggie ain't had an album in a good minute. At the beginning of Tupac's new album "Better Dayz" there's this skit with a reporter that's like "How does Tupac keep releasing album's after he is dead?" Anyway, yeah... Thug Mansion has me musing with the possibility that this is the after-life of a previous existence. As well, what i do hear and the spiritual growth i gain will possibly carry over for another life. However, then would there be new souls being introduced (you know, some of us always think of ourselves as the first when it comes to successive lives)? Or would each person actually be a new mold of a collection of souls... which then would be more functional. Then, though, would it really be beneficial to grow as a soul, cus ur just going to wind up in a mix with other souls... (i mean you could benefit the overal mix maybe but still from a selfish standpoint what was your whole life for)? Let me stop before this sounds like I believe in Reincarnation, although it is plausible. This is all assuming your life is actually for you as opposed to just some entertainment for a higher being. As I've said before, the earth would be an interesting channel, it has everything you could want... drama, comedy, suspense, and mess. In fact, you would think Reality TV would be alot more interesting; but the industry got to it, so no luck, duck. If only it weren't so scripted...you know who i want to see a reality tv show of... actually two people. One of the people is Uchenna... cool guy... and he handles life in a very entertaining manner, uninteniontionally, i mean you can't write the way he is ... Go Uchenna. The second person....really, i'd like them to make a TV show of Bobby Brown. Forget the Osbournes... lets see what Bobby is doing. I mean just watching that Ja Rule video cracks me up. Lets put Bobby on TV more often. I want more Bobby to laugh at. Even the Boondocks would like poking fun at Bobby. "Bobby, what are you doing?!" Yep... anyway... later.

Peace Humans.